In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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