i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
