I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
