I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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