i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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