Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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