I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
