Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize