If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
