and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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