She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
