I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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