Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

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(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

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(408): View more from California

He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

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(530): View more from California

Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?

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(563): View more from Iowa

This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.

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(440): View more from Ohio

If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.

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