That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
