So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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