he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just want to make out with him forever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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