i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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