What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
