what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
