What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
