I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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