Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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