She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize