You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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