I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
