TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
