Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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