and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
