Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you would pick up someone in the library
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
