Can Purell be used as lube?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
