I am in a vortex of obligation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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