Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
