mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will be naked everywhere
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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