fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
