I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
