This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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