He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
should my penis look like a turkey
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
