At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
