There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
Randomize
