dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
where are my eyebrows?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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