I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
