You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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