Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
