Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
