Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
