if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
