He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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