im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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