I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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