dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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