just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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