Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
