Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
