about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
