How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
