we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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