He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
