What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
