whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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