It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
